Cancer Canyon
Tied to a Tree - A journey through cancer with courage and perspective
Chapter One: Preparing for the Adventure
You've been diagnosed with cancer, are undergoing treatments and surgery, or maybe you've just finished your treatments. Or, maybe someone you love is there. Doctors, oncologists and radiologists have mapped out your physical journey.
Who's mapped out your emotional journey?
A Story
A guy falls into a hole. A priest walks by and yells down that he'll pray for him. A doctor walks by and throws down a bottle of pills. A friend walks by and jumps into the hole with him.
"What are you doing? Now we'll never get out!" cries the first man to his friend.
His friend says, "No, you don't understand. I've been in this hole before and I know the way out."
The Grand Canyon Adventure and Moran's Point
Thomas Moran was a famous turn-of-the-century artist who painted the Grand Canyon. Maps of the Grand Canyon highlight Moran Point, where he painted some of his most famous representations of the Canyon. His paintings helped create awareness and awe for the majestic canyon and even contributed to its preservation as a national park.
America needed his perspective to help see the canyon's beauty. He'd been there in 1873 with the John Wesley Powell expedition and again in 1892 to create paintings for the Santa Fe Railway, who built a spur from their main line in Flagstaff and Williams to the south rim in 1901. He knew the territory.
Cancer Canyon will provide you with a valuable perspective about cancer … and with an emotional map that will be instrumental in your journey.
For Your Journey - A Lands' End Down Vest
There it is - the Lands' End Christmas catalog, dog-eared and your only choice in the waiting room of the Cancer Therapy and Research Center Radiation Lab. You pick it up every morning between 8:15 - 8:30 am as you wait for your daily treatment.
Look through the catalog for a special protective hat for the young man with the shaved, stitched head, undergoing brain radiation. What about a pair of special magic boots for the woman in the wheelchair there? Where can you buy magic vests and caps and boots to protect them, and you?
St. Michael's Protection
Remember that a friend shared a secret with you. Her mother had radiation therapy and thought of the radiation as a holy beam from St. Michael, the archangel. She believed that each treatment represented his holy sword destroying the bad cells in her body.
Daily Routine
You'll have your radiation treatment, a muffin at Starbucks, since the radiation may make you nauseous, and then go to work every day. Just like nothing happened.
Lasting Impact
But something will happen; you will never be the same. And in the future, when you see a Lands' End catalog, or even hear "Lands' End," you'll think of your red down vest and your protective warrior, St. Michael.
Question:
Is there an item that triggers a memory about your diagnosis or treatment?
Is it necessary for you to re-think the positive or negative impact of that item or memory?
Chapter Two: Down to Phantom Ranch on the Mule Ride
At the Grand Canyon's south rim there's a Mule Barn next to Bright Angel Lodge. Every day Grand Canyon Wranglers host a Mule Ride, descending to Phantom Ranch and to the Colorado River at the base of the canyon. You're leaving today and you'll spend the night at Phantom Ranch on the River. Early cartographers christened this area Phantom Creek and Canyon because it was so narrow it would appear and disappear from their view. Others claim it was named "Phantom" because of ghostly appearances of Powell, one of the canyon's original explorers.
But I should warn you, the canyon can be dangerous.
770
Deaths at Grand Canyon
From the first river exploration by John Wesley Powell and his crew of 1869 to air crashes, accident-prone tourists and even hopeless souls jumping to their deaths
2,001,140
New Cancer Cases
Estimated new cancer cases diagnosed in 2024 in the US
611,720
Cancer Deaths
Cancer deaths in the US in 2024, or 1,680 per day
And, we know cancer can be dangerous too. According to the American Cancer Society, in 2024 there were an estimated 2,001,140 new cancer cases diagnosed and 611,720 cancer deaths in the US. Cancer remains the second most common cause of death in the US, accounting for nearly 1,690 deaths each day.
Chapter Two Continued: Night at the River's Phantom Ranch
No matter how hard you try, the fact that you have cancer will sink in and create a new set of challenges. The word cancer has a stigma like no other disease. People don't know what to say and some people will avoid you entirely.
In Greg Anderson's book, Journeys of the Cancer Conqueror, you'll read this from a fellow traveler, "... Just as I was beginning the chemotherapy sessions, I read about the psychological component of side effects. A research study tracked a group of people who were given sterile water injections instead of chemotherapy and a third of them lost their hair anyway."
The Psychological Component
The phases of your cancer diagnosis, treatment and recover are very similar to the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance
Processing Emotions
Think about your emotions and how they relate to these stages. Remember, you might bounce back and forth between these stages and that's perfectly normal.
Deciding to Live
You may not want to even begin. A pretty brunette in her early forties, feeling extremely self-conscious from the recent weight gain attributable to the cancer follow-up drug Tamoxifen, admitted she had to first decide she wanted to live. She said, "You see, I lost my son about a year ago. And, I've learned that I had to first decide ... that I wanted to live." Her frankness was disarming.
Questions:
Where are you in your diagnosis?
How do you feel about being diagnosed with cancer?
What have you noticed from your friends and family; how are they processing your cancer?
Chapter Three: The Rapids and Marauders
Morning comes at Phantom Ranch, but that doesn't mean the darkness is over. There will be more dark nights. There will be rapids to ride and marauders in the canyon before you're ready to climb back up the canyon walls to Bright Angel Lodge.
The climb may take years, and on some days you may fall back down as far as you climb up. But you know your destination – Bright Angel Lodge. And, you have a mule to carry you, although you don't rely on his surefootedness as much as you should.
The Rapids
The rapids may be the second round of chemotherapy that your doctor recommends. It may be the juggling of work and family responsibilities when you feel like quitting … not just work, but life.
The Marauders
And there are the marauders … out to steal every last bit of dignity as you sit half-naked with a machine pinching half of your chest to insert a small chip or copper wire. It may be the person in the mirror that's taped and bandaged and swollen, who thinks they can never be the same. It may be the nurse in the office that's said the wrong thing and made you feel like a freak, or small and alone.
Conquering Fears
The best way to conquer your darkest fears is to bring them out in the light … even better, write them on a piece of paper and burn them. Write down your lowest lows … what were the rapids you rode and who were your marauders?
Celebration
You'll have a second night at Phantom Ranch. You'll burn those fears in tonight's campfire … then you'll dance like a wild Indian and celebrate the fact you're living through another night in the canyon and you're going to make it to Bright Angel Lodge.
What's Your Darkest Fear?
What are Your Rapids?
Who are Your Marauders?
Chapter Four: Lost
You're on your way out of Phantom Ranch to Bright Angel, but the sky's gotten dark. You see the lightning in the distance and you can smell the rain. You've had to leave the trail to find cover and now you're lost.
There are new challenges. Every morning there is another uncertain step. Your body doesn't feel the same and neither does your spirit.
Lost
No longer knowing the familiar path forward
Alone
Feeling isolated in your experience
Afraid
Fear of the unknown journey ahead
No Longer in Control
Life has taken an unexpected turn
Fragile
Feeling vulnerable and breakable
Let me tell you about a man who spent more than 1,000 days and nights hiking over 12,000 miles through this canyon. Harvey Butchart was a mild-mannered Math Professor from Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff who loved this canyon; he spent every spare moment here. Over the years he lost a dear friend and hiking buddy on one of the trails and the time away from his family tested his marriage. He wrote the guide to Grand Canyon Hiking – Grand Canyon Treks.
"He believed that the unexpected is the essence of exploration, he kept his descriptions to a minimum and his directions understated, even vague. Hikers using his book soon learn that what Butchart calls an 'interesting route' might well be a foot-wide ledge on the brink of a 400-foot-high cliff." – John Stanley, The Arizona Republic, September 23, 2013
Take a deep breath, accept where you are, trust your instincts and have faith. Take Harvey's advice and believe that the unexpected is the essence not only of exploration, but of life. Harvey didn't hike the same trail 1,000 times, he explored the canyon. He did not tie himself to a tree.
Chapter Four Continued: Finding Your Way
This trail you're on may be a new trail, one you don't know and haven't been on before, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong trail. It may present beauty and adventure beyond your wildest imagination.
And, you might hear God. Like Elijah in an Old Testament story.
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?' 1 Kings 19: 11b-13
Has your cancer made you feel differently about anything or anyone in your life?
Reflect on how your perspective on relationships, priorities, and what matters most may have shifted since your diagnosis.
What do you want to add or eliminate in your life?
Consider what new experiences, relationships, or activities you want to embrace, and what you might want to let go of.
Has your cancer made you feel differently about your relationship to God, or your creator?
Explore how your spiritual journey may have been affected by your cancer experience.
Chapter Five: Another Reality
It's about 17-18 hours from Cut Bank, Montana to Rochester, Minnesota.
Rochester is the home of the Mayo Clinic, where Tami had been treated for her breast cancer since her diagnosis in 2000.
She died during treatments in 2005. Her father and two sons, age 7 and 11, drove from Cut Bank and got to see her an hour before she died.
It hurts to imagine what the ride to Rochester was like; it hurts even more to imagine the ride home.
She was a hair stylist and some of her clients had begun making and selling pink scarves for her; the money from sales helped compensate the expenses of travel and treatment.
Tami's death is another cruel reminder that not everyone survives. Another hidden marauder.
And many thousands are in the valley, still battling this thing called cancer.
Those Killed
While there are some who are immediate casualties, and clearly they have the most severe impact, it is not their loss, but the reaction of the survivors that affects the psychological reaction of the group. These folks actually cease to influence the community, or as MacCurdy callously (yet accurately) put it 'corpses don't spread panic.'
The Near Misses
In a bombing, these are the people who feel the blast, see the destruction, are horrified by the carnage, may even be seriously wounded but not killed. They survive, but are deeply impressed by the experience. Their "impression" reinforces a fear reaction associated with the bombing. They are usually jumpy, dazed, preoccupied with the horrors of what they saw and may experience PTSD.
The Remote Misses
These are the people who listen to the sirens, hear the bombs, and even see the explosions in the distance, but they are not personally injured or often close enough to be blown off their feet by the blasts. Psychologically, the consequences to these survivors are the exact opposite of the near misses group. Their survival comes with an excitement associated with the attack and a feeling of invulnerability.
In Malcolm Gladwell's book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants he talks about the anticipated vs. actual effect of the German Blitz on London during World War II.
British leaders were prepared for the worst in terms of casualties, collateral and psychological damage. They built psychiatric centers outside the city to handle what they thought would be the needy thousands. But the panic never came.
The British are famous for their "stiff upper lip," but Canadian psychiatrist J.T. MacCurdy wrote about this effect in his The Structure of Morale. He wrote that war-torn, bombed populations can be divided into three groups: those killed, the near misses, and the remote misses.
A near miss leaves you traumatized, but a remote miss makes you believe you are invincible.
Can you identify with each of these categories? Is there a specific one with which you identify?
Do you know friends or family members who can identify with one of these categories?
You've made it back up to Bright Angel Lodge. It feels good to have your boots on hard wood floors again. It feels more solid. There's a fire in the lobby fireplace and the warmth there is welcoming too. Drop your backpack in the corner of the lobby with the others and go sit at a table in the dining room. There's a drink and a hot meal coming your way. It's over. You can look out the window onto sunset at the South Rim. Your room and bed are waiting for you. You've earned a good night of sleep and rest.
Chapter Six: At Bright Angel Lodge
What treasure did you bring up from the base of the Canyon? Like Moran, maybe you have a unique perspective to share about cancer, life, and your loves. Or maybe you've left some things in the ashes of the Phantom Ranch Fire …
What have you learned?
Reflect on the wisdom gained from your journey through Cancer Canyon
What questions have been unanswered?
Consider what mysteries and uncertainties still remain
Where do you go from here?
Think about your path forward and what comes next in your journey
There's a Native American legend about the first man who encountered the Grand Canyon. He peered over the cliffs. Then, he tied himself to a tree. Fear of the unknown paralyzed this brave. Fear kept him from an adventure. The adventure would've included challenges and obstacles. There was no guarantee he would live through the adventure. But instead of being known as the first warrior to conquer the canyon, he became known as the man who tied himself to a tree.
I'm a two-time cancer survivor and I've learned there's more to cancer than surviving. That more is what can make it a gift.
Thanks for your courage and bravery as we go through Cancer Canyon together.
A free gift from Sonja Howle
www.cancercanyon.com
P.O. Box 35, Boerne, Texas 78006